Family on one side, they all wan't you to have everything figured out, the kids education, even before my daughter could walk. When are you buying a house? This one is my father's favorite, even though we're not even close to having the money for it. Friends well, when are you going to have a second child.. what? I'm just learning how to deal with one, let alone another one (again who's going to pay for it?). And finally my personal favorite, do you cook for him? Do you make him breakfast? How often do you wash clothes? etc etc... all questions that suggest that I should be my husbands maid, apart from working and coming home to being a mom.
It's not that we don't listen, we do, specially when it's something that we wan't to accomplish someday, aka having our own place. But it happens so often that people look at us (mostly me) with this judging faces because we don't follow certain rules of old machismo used by our parents and grandparents. I personally was raised by both my parents who set a great example of who I am now, I think it was not their intention to raise feminist daughters (me and my sister) but they did. My mom by setting an example, she's a stay at home mom, she loved to cook and she's happy in the overall sense of existence, but she had always something missing in her life, she sacrificed everything, including her financial independence, to stay with me and my sister, so now that we're creating our own stories and sometimes to busy to be there she's lonely, so I saw that and knew that I never wanted to depend on a man's money to be whatever I wanted, I was going to work my ass off to be who I want to be. And on the other hand my dad, he always tried to teach us that hard work was the way to earn your own things, you want something? work for it! It must have been that because both me and my sister are very independent.
The other day I was at a birthday party with my husband's friends ans their wives, they are mostly newlyweds, specially this couple who just got married last month. So the girls were all excited and talking about their new roles in their homes, but they're different than I am, which is ok if that's what you like. Let's just say that one of them is fully dedicated to her house, she cleans the house makes her husbands breakfast, lunch and dinner and keeps him happy, that's what he wanted and that's what she likes so that's good for them. The other one works until 4 pm she goes and have lunch at her mom's and that's her day. So they were talking about how they need to wake up early to make breakfast for their husbands and when I said that I don;t do that everyone was (overly) surprised. I received these looks as if something was wrong with me because I don't take care of my husband or something.
These women made me feel bad for a moment, because of the way they looked at me, and their husbands of course didn't fall far behind. After I gave it some thought I felt mad at myself, why did I let them make me feel like I was being careless with my family? Who are they? They are exited about just getting married and doing the independent life for the first time, will they feel the same in a few months? Will they get tired? Will they get bored? Will they still be as excited as they are now about their lives? They JUST GOT MARRIED! They have no idea what that is, I'm still figuring it out.. but them and I, we just don't have the same lives. I couldn't take more than I already do. I work from 8 to 6 and then I take care of my daughter. I wake up as early as they do, I just have different responsibilities, and to be honest my husband also has a brain and two hands with which he can do his own breakfast. It's not like I do nothing in the house, but yes our roles are different, we both need to help because we both work.
I guess what I;m trying to get of my chest here is that it's not my responsibility to treat my husband like I was his mom just because I am a woman. Just like is not his responsibility to give me money every month just because he is a man. We each create our very own roles, the ones that work for us. I couldn't stop working if we want to keep our lifestyle, he sometimes helps me to make breakfast or dinner. We both pay a maid for the house because we are never there to clean the house and when we are we're either spending time with our daughter or to tired to move a finger.
This is a promise to myself, to not let anyone's look to make me feel less just because my family is not the same as theirs, just because I'm a feminist and they prefer to do different, and also a reminder that I shouldn't judge other either, because we each do what works for us.
