I'm married.. and yes I'm also a feminist...

I've been married for two years now, and even though we didn't have a time as rough as others I've seen to adapt to each other, my husband and I of course don't have the perfect marriage, it has it's ups and lows but it is a good healthy marriage I think, where we know we're not perfect but we try to make each other happy as much as we can and we support each other always. This of course is not easy, it needs work and empathy, a lot of empathy (on both sides). That being said I also think that part of what makes it easier for us to be as happy as we are is that we're not drowned on what's expected of us in terms of achievements or roles. What do I mean by that? Well, family, fiends and society in general is a lot of pressure for anyone I would say, and they all have this expectations that you're supposed to fill as if they were going to live your life for you.

Family on one side, they all wan't you to have everything figured out, the kids education, even before my daughter could walk. When are you buying a house? This one is my father's favorite, even though we're not even close to having the money for it. Friends well, when are you going to have a second child.. what? I'm just learning how to deal with one, let alone another one (again who's going to pay for it?). And finally my personal favorite, do you cook for him? Do you make him breakfast? How often do you wash clothes? etc etc... all questions that suggest that I should be my husbands maid, apart from working and coming home to being a mom.

It's not that we don't listen, we do, specially when it's something that we wan't to accomplish someday, aka having our own place. But it happens so often that people look at us (mostly me) with this judging faces because we don't follow certain rules of old machismo used by our parents and grandparents. I personally was raised by both my parents who set a great example of who I am now, I think it was not their intention to raise feminist daughters (me and my sister) but they did. My mom by setting an example,  she's a stay at home mom, she loved to cook and she's happy in the overall sense of existence, but she had always something missing in her life, she sacrificed everything, including her financial independence, to stay with me and my sister, so now that we're creating our own stories and sometimes to busy to be there she's lonely, so I saw that and knew that I never wanted to depend on a man's money to be whatever I wanted, I was going to work my ass off to be who I want to be. And on the other hand my dad, he always tried to teach us that hard work was the way to earn your own things, you want something? work for it! It must have been that because both me and my sister are very independent.

The other day I was at a birthday party with my husband's friends ans their wives, they are mostly newlyweds, specially this couple who just got married last month. So the girls were all excited and talking about their new roles in their homes, but they're different than I am, which is ok if that's what you like. Let's just say that one of them is fully dedicated to her house, she cleans the house makes her husbands breakfast, lunch and dinner and keeps him happy, that's what he wanted and that's what she likes so that's good for them. The other one works until 4 pm she goes and have lunch at her mom's and that's her day. So they were talking about how they need to wake up early to make breakfast for their husbands and when I said that I don;t do that everyone was (overly) surprised. I received these looks as if something was wrong with me because I don't take care of my husband or something.

These women made me feel bad for a moment, because of the way they looked at me, and their husbands of course didn't fall far behind. After I gave it some thought I felt mad at myself, why did I let them make me feel like I was being careless with my family? Who are they? They are exited about just getting married and doing the independent life for the first time, will they feel the same in a few months? Will they get tired? Will they get bored? Will they still be as excited as they are now about their lives? They JUST GOT MARRIED! They have no idea what that is, I'm still figuring it out.. but them and I, we just don't have the same lives. I couldn't take more than I already do. I work from 8 to 6 and then I take care of my daughter. I wake up as early as they do, I just have different responsibilities, and to be honest my husband also has a brain and two hands with which he can do his own breakfast. It's not like I do nothing in the house, but yes our roles are different, we both need to help because we both work.

I guess what I;m trying to get of my chest here is that it's not my responsibility to treat my husband like I was his mom just because I am a woman. Just like is not his responsibility to give me money every month just because he is a man. We each create our very own roles, the ones that work for us. I couldn't stop working if we want to keep our lifestyle, he sometimes helps me to make breakfast or dinner. We both pay a maid for the house because we are never there to clean the house and when we are we're either spending time with our daughter or to tired to move a finger.

This is a promise to myself, to not let anyone's look to make me feel less just because my family is not the same as theirs, just because I'm a feminist and they prefer to do different, and also a reminder that I shouldn't judge other either, because we each do what works for us.

Grandmas, how the heck did you manage 7 children?!

Well hello!

My own little monster trying to open the door
of the house to explore the world

It's been a while since I wrote anything here and I know that's terrible for blogs but you know... I have a pretty good excuse, I was learning to be a mommy! This is really hard let me tell you, now that I'm a working mom I realise that I have no idea how women like my two grandmas could've had 7 kids! 7 little monsters running around the house?! What.. no way. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and I enjoy every second of it (sometimes more than others) but this really got me thinking.

This is us. I treasure every moment I have with her.

I know that times are different and back then people didn't believe or even knew anything about birth control; yes, men didn't like that and they had to have their women whenever or something because of machism. Still women back then (and now for those who still do it that way) had tons of children, one after the other, and they had virtually no help, I believe that's something to admire.

I work so I'm not with my little girl full time, but on the weekends when I am with her I get so tired, more than when I go to work. Kids need attention and they need their mommys and daddys to play with them to develop skills; I don't know if it's just me or it's the common feeling out there but kids wear you off and living the mommy experience makes me admire and have more respect for my grandmas and my mom (my mom was more reasonable, I only have a sister).

A toast to all the women who give their lives for their children, for those women who take care of them and don't neglect them. I admire you.

Moms ARE superheroes!

One hears about how moms are this kind of super species on earth or some kind of superheroes and being a daughter I think I never got the picture of how this is very very true. It's been a month since I became a mom and I've come to realize that MOMS ARE AMAZING! Seriously, and my baby doesn't even speak yet, all she does is eat, cry, poop and sleep. 

I think this last month I've been sleeping as much as when I was studying in France minus the 24 hour naps I used to take after partying... This mom job us full time, no pay and the boss is VERY demanding. I must say, this blog post isn't at all a complaint, I am very very happy with my baby girl and her infinite needs. In spite of the many hours I have to spend taking care of my baby, the fact that my clothes sometimes smell like baby vomit, my house is a mess and I don't always have the time to shower all I can say is that it is amazing to have this beautiful little person scream at you when you clean her nose. 

I've had to learn to breastfeed which I must say is more difficult than any video, book or class can teach you, it was very frustrating for me to  learn how to do it and I think it also takes time for the baby to learn how to grab your new gigantic swollen boobs.

Daily bottle cleaning is another task that seems very logic but didn't cross my mind until I realized I had to do it. I ended up buying more bottles because it really becomes a never ending task. 

And even though I'm telling you moms are super amazing things on earth and I never knew it until now,  this picture right here » » » » » represents better the feeling I get every day when I wake up, and the thing is, I think new moms need to be told this beforehand in some way that is more believable. Maybe it says somewhere, like the reality book of motherhood or something, but almost everything I read was telling me how with tips and tricks it was all going to be easier... well maybe it is easiER but not really. Anyways, I think I am learning a little bit every day, or maybe not.. I do know I am trying really really hard and sometimes I am very tired and get frustrated and my husband has to take over but I wouldn't be able to live without my baby anymore. 

Finally all I can say is that I recommend motherhood very very much, it is really great to see how she grows a little more every day, how she is very loved by everyone around us. to sing to her, to calm her when she's crying, even getting screamed at when cleaning her boogers. So far it's been the most amazing experience I've had and I also think that getting through all of this brings me and my husband even closer.  

« « « Here she is, sleepy head of mine, it would be just impossible not to love this creature. 

Later folks! 

Rach

M.I.A... I'm back!

Hello Hello!

No, I didn't abandon my blog after 3 posts I was just busy GIVING BIRTH!! hoho.

As I previously told you my delivery date was scheduled for May 4th so that day we went to see our doctor and she explained to us that if my baby girl wasn't born by Monday I would have to be monitored daily to check if my baby's oxygen levels were still good and well it was just a pain in the ass.. but I was already having random pains that now I understand were a slow start of labor. So the doctor called the hospital and scheduled me to go in the next day at 8:00 pm unless the baby did it by herself before that... so my little girl and I had 32 hours to get everything started or the doctor would have to make it happen.

Then she checked me for dilation and told me that I was 3 cm open. and then she made some kind of massage to open the membranes..... it hurt like hell!!!! it was worst than the first time she checked. I stood up, she told us a couple of last things, gave us instructions for the hospital the next day and we were on our way. I finished paying for the delivery aaaaand that's when I felt it, I turned my head and told my husband that I felt like I just peed my pants. I went to the bathroom and the plug thing we have to prevent infections during the whole pregnancy was coming out. I cleaned myself and thought, OK, that's it for now (by it I mean the fluids coming out of my body), I can go and pay the hospital in advance feeling comfortable. I was sooo wrong! We went to the hospital, parked the car and the moment I stood up there it was again! that 'I just peed myself' feeling. IIUUK, but still payed the hospital and went straight home.

Thank God a day earlier I went and bought some stuff at the supermarket and we had enough to make some baguettes with the ham my husband likes. I wouldn't have to move from home until I seriously had to. At this point I was starting to feel something like random strong menstrual cramps and I had to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes because that liquid was still coming out and no it wasn't because the water broke.

By 7:00 pm that day it started to get obvious that I was in labor.. but I think I was just denying it.. I kept telling my husband that I was ok, but he was freaking out and stressing me a lot saying every time I was in pain that we needed to go to the hospital ASAP. One hour later we called the doctor and she told us to wait until the pain was every 5 minutes; At 10:00 pm I told my husband to take me to the hospital and so we took all of our things and left home.

The hospital is really close to home so it didn't take long for us to get there. We went to the reception and told the lady that we had our labor package paid and gave her my doctor's instructions. They took forever to come with a wheel chair and take me to where all the ladies go and have babies. The nurse checked my blood pressure, and gave me an enema.. very uncomfortable thing but to be honest I thought it was going to be worst.

Then they took me to a room to go through labor and the nurse told me that she was going to call the anesthesiologist, I told her that I wanted to wait until I couldn't deal with the pain anymore, OMG good thing she ignored me and called the man right away... by the time the doctor came to the hospital I was already in agonizing pain! The doctor was this little man who my husband says looks like Dr. Chapatin from an old TV show. I just remember the man was really annoying.. I don't remember his name, I just remember that he kept saying the most inappropriate things to say to a woman in such pain! To be honest the epidural was scary for me, I  think it was all part of me reading too much and watching too many videos about pregnancy, labor, delivery and everything around it while I was on maternity leave. So I was really scared and when he told me it was time to put it on I started shaking and crying like a baby... the man kept saying with a really desperate voice that I should calm down, that he couldn't put the epidural in if I kept shaking, I was like SERIOUSLY?!?! you little little man!! I mean.. What kind of an anesthesiologist with vast experience with pregnant women has such little patience right? still, I tried to keep my composure until it was just too much and he asked if I was listening to him, because I was still shaking and crying and not doing what he was saying, and so I told him that I was listening I just didn't want to answer. Honestly I was trying to stop shaking and crying like a baby and his stupid voice wouldn't let me concentrate.

At last the doctor could do it and the pain stopped a little, I was so tired from the pain that I fell asleep for like five minutes when I had no pain at all, or I thought I had no pain.. honestly it probably still hurt a little but compared to no anesthesia at all it was pretty relieving. When the medicine wore off I was feeling all the pain again. Then my doctor arrived and checked how everything was and I was open 6 cm so she broke my water, I saw a bunch of videos where women said that they felt less pressure once their water broke... honestly I felt nothing but water running down my thighs and my husband says that my belly deflated and he could see the shape of our baby.

I don't know how long it was but the anesthesiologist came in two more times to let more anesthesia in and my doctor also came in a couple of times to check the progress until I was open 9 1/2 cm and they took me to the delivery room. once I was there the same drill of every video I watched went on, except for the annoying anesthesiologist still in the picture. The doctor told me to push while she tried to accommodate my baby because she was a little bit rotated so I could see how she was trying to turn a huge screw inside my body. Once she was on position she kept saying push push and all of that. Again the stupid anesthesiologist with his dumb comments was just  completely inappropriate. I tried to listen only to my husband and my doctor that were telling me that I was doing well and that I should push just a little bit more and all those positive comments.. and Dr. Chapatin was just telling me how it was not enough, that I wasn't even trying and OMG I just hated him so much.

But then my baby was born and I could see her for the first time. She stopped crying when I talked to her

and I was just so happy that couldn't stop crying. I saw her and to me she was so tiny, very very small human that just came out of my body. I found out later that she was not small at all (compared to other babies) she was 3,765 kg (8 1/2 pounds) and 50 cm long. She was the biggest baby at the nursery while we were there. I saw this other woman with her baby in the nursing room and at that moment I though well my baby does not look like a newborn at all!! but she is the prettiest one of all. Oh dear... Did that sound like snow white or what?

I think I got too excited with this, I just wrote an extra long post.

Later folks!

Tic Tac, Tic Tac.. Countdown starts!

So on Saturday we went to the Dr, and she says that my baby girl should be here this Saturday, May 4th. She checked and I was 1 cm dilated that day. I am really working on improving that number since she said that if my baby girl is not born naturally by Tuesday she might try to induce labor and that just increases the probability of a c-section, I'd really hate to have one, my mind is very much set on natural birth.

So I am trying to improve my chances with a mix of what the doctor says, what I learned in yoga for pregnant women, and what I've read around. First of all, walking 25 to 30 minutes a day, this one is really difficult because I was fine during my whole pregnancy but at this point I feel really heavy and I walk like a Styrofoam ball with two toothpicks as legs (and this is not a joke, sadly). Second, when I'm sitting I try to do it on my Pilates ball and roll a little while I'm on it, I get tired from time to time and go back to sitting on the bed, but I try to do it as much as I can. The doctor says I need to use the breast pump as if I was already feeding the baby, nothing much comes out, something yellowish, colostrum is what I think it is combined with waterish substance; And finally have sex, to be honest I didn't get the fun hormones that make your libido go up so I don't always feel like it, but this last week should be fun for my husband, he got really happy when the doctor said semen's a good way for my body to release hormones that make labor start or something like that.

Anyway, I hope it works and they do not need to induce labor because I've heard it is more difficult to control the pain in the contractions and let's just say I'm not really good with pain.

Other than that we bought the crib bedding, looked everything for this season and ended up buying discount bedding from last season because my handsome husband and I liked it better than the new stuff.. go figure.

I didn't buy the almonds flour yet, so no macarons... this is just because I'm lazy, the store is like a 100 meters away from my parent's house and I'm here every day since I don't have to work for now.

Also I think my baby girl is descending because I can feel my ribs the way they are supposed to feel, or at least it's been a while since i could feel them at all hoho.

That's all for now I think!

Arrivederci!!

Hormones, hormones... Terrible hormones!

My topic for the day.. HORMONES... I was just fine for most of my pregnancy, just had a small period where I couldn't watch any cheesy scenes on TV because a couple of tears would run through my cheek, but that was all! No going crazy at someone or crying in the middle of a weird situation (Maybe once)..

But this last week... C'mon!!! It's just been terrible.. I cried last night the moment my husband entered the house and hugged me, don't ask me why, I wish I knew. Last Thursday I also cried like a baby, I think because I thought I looked fat. I still think I'm fat, I have 8 kilos on that do not belong to me but I don't know is not a reason to cry I'm guessing it will all go away after I give birth (hopefully in the first year or less). 

So that's me right now.. At moments I'm up and at moments I'm down. I really thought well this is almost over maybe I'm not like all those women on TV that go all crazy with hormones but I guess I am a little right now. 

On the other hand I want to start cooking some macarons, I've been looking up for some recipes and still need to buy some stuff for them. We'll see how that goes. 

Au revoir! 

Rach

About to pop!

My name is Raquel but most people call me Rach, must be easier ho ho. I am 38 1/2 weeks pregnant and about to have a beautiful baby girl.

I am on maternity leave at the time and I guess that's what's letting me start this blog which I think I've been wanting to do for God knows how long. It is just the perfect way to get out what I have to say and to keep my memories on track, who knows maybe I will go back someday and read it all over. Mostly I think it is for myself, but if someone else gets interested and decides to post comments or what not then I even have someone to discuss everything with and that's GRRREAT!. 

Also I am kind of interested in cooking and here I can put my recipes, the successes and the failures, I have quite a bunch of those.. :-/ to keep the pictures and all.

This will basically be my life, my baby, my kitchen and sometimes maybe even my very handsome husband. So that's my introduction.. might be for the whole world to read or might be for me only but there you go World Wide Web... now you have it!